Twelve Step Sports Addict

I was watching the news today and on it was the report of the construction of a hockey rink at Wrigley Field. I know I said before that I was going to try and watch more Hawks games, but now I am just going to loath them. What was wrong with U.S. Cellular Field?? If the Hawks want to be cursed, go ahead, play at Wrigley and hear about the goddamed goat, and ivy, and Bartman and all the BS Cub fans talk about instead of watching the game. They said that all the tickets were sold already, and if figures, it gives Cub fans another reason to drink, not watch a game, and be retarded. I hope the Hawks players don’t expect any real hockey fans to be at that game, it will just be a bunch of over earning yuppies, drinking that piss called Old Style, eating cold brats and wondering what inning the hockey game is in. I swear to God, if Ronnie Santo stumbles out there, I’m going to pray that somehow his lips freeze to his metal legs and he shuts the %^$&# up forever. Do you think they are going to bronze those things in the Hall of Fame someday….based on the HOF voting these days, nope. Sorry Ronnie, this old Cub sucked too bad to be voted in, voters care more about how you played rather than how you can’t walk. (yes, it will be very hot where I end up when I die, but I still hate everything Cubs)

 I was taking my puppy for a walk and he was sliding on the ice and then he squat to piss and crap on the ice and I thought of what a wonderful idea for Wrigley’s ice rink. I can’t wait to hear about some crazy blue wearing, Harry Carey worshipping, brain dead Cub fan’s girlfriend to ask if Patrick Kane just hit a homerun. Are they going to bring out those old guys to play the instruments I wonder?? See the Hawks are kinda good this year and have no business playing in that older than dirt, crap shack called Wrigley Field. Another reason I hate the Cubs, Moises Alou, the dude who pisses on his hands (literally yes, there was a story in SI about it) who yelled at Bartman when he didn’t catch that foul ball, came out and said that he wouldn’t have caught it anyway. That poor kid, a hero in my book, went through hell, and numb nuts Alou comes out now and says he sucked. I hope something with that sale goes terribly wrong and the Cubbies have to fold and all their retard fans go the way of Jim Jones and drink the Koolaid. ML

I couldn’t think of a better title for this blog as I heard that Lou Pinella and G. (I won’t even try to spell his name) Soto, won manager of the year and rookie of the year respectively. Wow, getting a bonus for being the biggest flops in the major leagues. I am a little upset that Alexi Rameriez didn’t win rookie of the year for the White Sox, I mean the man did have 4 grand slams in a season and the White Sox did much better than anyone predicted they would the prior year, but I guess it pays to be a loser. At least Pinella had the balls to give his bonus money to charity, knowing damn well he doesn’t deserve a cent of that money. Two years in a row, being the best team and getting SWEPT out of the first round of the playoffs. Lou, they should have awarded you with a pink slip, not a bonus.

The White Sox got rid of Nick Swisher to the Yankees. I HATE THE YANKEES!! Not as much as I despise those playoff choking ass clowns from the North side, but I hate that Swish got the ax. True, he had a terrible batting average, but he was well rounded and was good in the clubhouse. But it’s the major leagues, you don’t hit, you don’t stay.

Also today, I am looking forward to, as I actually will get, UFC 91. As I explained before, it will be worth it to see 45 year old Couture beat the living steroids out of WWE superturd, Brock Lesnar. One thing I don’t understand is that those WWE stars actually put their championships on their resume (Brock brags he was the youngest WWE Champ). What!!? Sorry Brock, everyone and their mother knows those dances are predetermined. Yes, I know it’s athletic, and people do and can get hurt, but let’s not act like you were some spirit of Mohammed Ali during that time. Even bad boy Ken Shamrock puts his WWE credentials on his website. Guess Tito wasn’t to worried about that when he pummeled your ass three times in a row. I always liked you Ken, but dude, calm down, the ship has sailed, arrived and then sunk.

I am so excited about the November 15th Ultimate Fighting Championship card of Randy Couture and Brock Lesnar. I have a feeling that Randy is going to school the 265lbs behemoth from the WWE. My brother and I have been watching the UFC since UFC 1, way before it became cool, when little Brazilian Royce Gracie was choking the living Hell out the competition. I saw the first match Randy Couture ever fought when took down and choked out another huge man who claimed he was going to kill everyone in the tournament. Randy is a hero of mine as he is an older man that defies the odds and wins. He works incredibly hard at his craft and it shows in the ring. The other thing that I admire about the man, is that all accounts say that he is the nicest professional athlete you will ever meet. I never liked athletes that are jerks. In my opinion, there is no reason to. These guys get paid a huge amount of money to play games. I would play professional football or basketball for what I made as a sales manager if I could. I guess at some point, they lost the love of game. While I understand the neanderthal gene that makes these men badasses, I never understood being a prick when you leave your particular field of battle. Randy seems very polite and always give his opponents a ton of credit even if he just got done making them his bitch on national TV. I really respect a man like that I hope he knocks Brock back into the WWE on the 15th. Many people think Brock is way too big for Randy, but watching “the natural” completely destroy 6 foot 8 Tim Sylvia, makes me think that Brock had better watch out. If I had extra money, which I don’t right now, I would buy this PPV, but I will just have to settle to reading about it on Sherdog.com. Anyone interested in MMA, needs to see that sight, it is very informative.

I have been getting more ideas for a puppy name and I want to thank everyone that wrote a comment. Please keep them coming, and I can’t wait when I finally get the little guy so that I can post a pic of him in all his puggly glory. Here are some of the names that have been recommended.

Oscar, Mongo, Flint, Quincy, Bebop, Rocksteady, Pete, Killer, Sampson.

I like the big dog names a bit since it is cute for a pug. Anyone who has ever owned a pug before knows they are full of personality and make great watchdogs. One of the first thing I am going to buy when I get the little man, is a huge “beware of dog” sign that I will put on my front door. Then when the little pug comes running it will be so cute. Yes, I know I sound like a girl when it comes to dogs, but I am an animal lover, it’s just the way I am.

On next Tues, I am hoping to finally get my DUI case officially resolved and start paying court costs. It will be very nice to put that behind me and move forward. My lawyers pulled a miracle decision for me and I couldn’t feel more grateful and blessed. I have always been blessed with great doctors that have saved my life and now blessed with great lawyers that have saved not only my soul, but my record. It’s things like this that keep me from the bottle, the Lord has given me a new start, and He is not someone you want to make look like a fool. ML

 Here is a clip I found on youtube. I LOVE the movie the 300 and I love the show Family Guy, here is a mix of both……

Another day in paradise here is Illinois as I spent the day job hunting, working out and watching sports. I found that exercising is a great way to keep my mind off stress and since I think I have a pretty self destructive personality, working out so hard that I hurt, satisfies that need and helps keep me sober. It is actually hard for me to sit in a chair and type today as everything from my neck to my abs to my legs are burning from the two sets of workouts I did today. I think back to about 8 months ago when I couldn’t even walk up a flight of stairs without chest pain, sore legs, and my sweat smelling like baked bread from the yeast leaking out of my pours from the brain deadening amount of booze I had consumed from the night before. I was hill running today, and since I also have an addictive personality, I totally over extend my workouts, but at least that is much healthier than drowning a few billion bane cells….oh yeah, B R A I N. Got it, guess some are a little slower coming back. So far it looks like the Padres are going to win the world series. An NL team winning….poor Cubs, must be hard to fathom, losers. Don’t worry, there is alway next year….But I am happy because as I have stated before, I can’t stand Tampa Bay and their expansion team. Hopefully Joe Maddon will go back to teaching 9th grade chemistry and Evan Longoria will go back in drag and star in Desperate Housewives. Him and Tony Parker make a great looking couple, don’t they. : ). I found myself watching the Bulls season opener and they looked sort of good. Derrick Rose looks like he will be a showstopper once he gets settled in, but I think the Bulls aren’t going to go anywhere other than a first round playoff loss.

That doesn’t stop my disgust with watching basketball these days. I played basketball all through junior high and high school and I swear that was much more exciting than watching the NBA. It is so slow and boring, foul filled and selfish. I used to be a huge Larry Bird fan, and I would love to see basketball like I used to see in highlights of team play and hustle. I mean, some dude runs five feet for a ball, and the announcers give him accolades like he’s Pete Rose sliding headfirst into third. I guess everything is watered down these days, from pansies like Brian Urlacher getting plowed by offensive tackles, to 90% of NBA players not being able to hit a 15 foot jumper, to Alfonso Soriano, well, just being a bitch. That is why I still like boxing and MMA, at least those guys look like they’ve been in a sporting event when it is over. I can’t find myself getting into bball too much, but I will watch the Bulls just hoping Vinnie Del Negro has a good first year. Bears have Detroit this week who they should beat like a red headed step child and then the Titans, which will be a huge test for them. I am looking forward to it. I just hope someone told Brian Urlacher where his last hoodrat girlfriend hit is scrotum, and he comes to play the next two weeks.

I never realized how boring a Sunday can be during the football season when the Bears are not playing. I started out watching the Jets play long enough to see Favre throw a pick and then limp off the field. Then I got to watch the Giants beat the Steelers. First of all, whoever picked the Steelers new colors needs to get their head examined. I really hope those are just throw back jerseys because they look like a European football league team with that yellow and black. If that is their new colors, they should disband the team, they are just that ugly. Eli Manning is always fun to watch because I just love rooting against him. How that Manning brother ever won a Super Bowl I will never understand. I really don’t know what to make of him other than being a spoiled brat. For those of you who don’t remember when he came out of college he balked at whatever team drafted him and demanded to be traded. He looks like a nerd that is yet to ever make out with a girl other than his sister, but usually guys like that are smart. Eli always has a look on his face like he doesn’t remember what just happened at any given moment. I wish I could see inside his head and watch the gerbil running around on the wheel in that yokel’s head. But he is an NFL quarterback, so he must have some brain power. He also won today’s game. Looks like Eli will get to go home, pop open a jug of XXXX moonshine and shoot critters to celebrate his win and march to another improbable Super Bowl. I also got to see interim coach Mike Singletary rip his tight end for slapping another player today. He sent this retard to the showers and then blew up in the post game. Way to go Samurai, kick some ass. That is the only way you are going to get respect in the NFL as a coach. He probably sent him to the showers to try and think about how stupid it is to slap someone wearing a football helmet, but that never stops anyone.

That was it for my Sunday, and I am spending it also fighting a cold that caught in the arctic cold of Joliet watching a D2 football game yesterday. I also got to watch one of my new favorite shows on HBO, True Blood. For anyone that hasn’t seen it, it is worth trying out. Pretty interesting story. Although I will never get into Vampires as much as some of those people that role play it and try to be them, I always like the original book and find the mythology sort of interesting. If all else fails, I can always watch old ER reruns. ML

Today was a great day as I got to spend it with my brother and we got to travel to Joliet to watch a good division 2 football game. My brother played for that college couple years back and he got to see some of his old friends. It was fun for me, especially spending some time with my brother who I don’t get to see all that often anymore, but it also let me do a lot of thinking. Seeing my bro with all his friends kind of made me sad that I didn’t stay in college and have that experience. I basically pissed my college time away because I was not mature enough to understand what a great opportunity that I had. It’s funny as I get older, I start feeling a lot of regret. I also regretted not seeing more of my brother’s games when he was in college. He is physical specimen and was even more when he played. Watching a bunch of guys I never met, and cheering for a school I didn’t even go to was alright, but I am regretting a lot of that time I wasted while he was in school taking care of things and people that ended up not really being in my best interests in the end. It’s hard as a recoverying alcoholic not to be overwhelmed with tons of regret. Everyday i think about things and how I could have done it differently. But at least now, I am having the opportunity to start my life over again. I need to be careful not to live in regret, but use those experiences to avoid certain situations and pitfalls. I have experienced a lot in my short time on this earth and a lot of it, I am not proud of. In order not to scare any family that may or may not know that much about me, I am not going to disclose some of the experiences, but it has made me so much stronger as a person. The funny thing about addiction is the expectation of perfection. An addict is far from perfect. I have relasped since I quit drinking. Thankfully, nothing was too bad or damaging and always limited to a day and not a binge like I used to go on. I used to always feel bad thinking about it, but then i remembered how hard addiction is to handle. If beating an addiction was easy and wasn’t full of struggles, then everyone would be able to do it and the world would have a lot less prisoners, homeless, and poor. For any of you out there having trouble quiting anything, don’t stop trying. There will be bumps in the road, all you can do is keep going forward. Don’t live in regret, take that time and energy and plan your future. ML

I’m watching Penn St. and Ohio St play today. I am rooting for old man Joe Paterno to have a great season. Go Nittany Lions!!!

As I am getting pretty excited to watch my first full Bears game in a while, as I have the day off, I missed Vitali Klitschko’s return last night to world of heavyweight boxing. I have always been an avid boxing fan, and I also enjoy MMA very much. It is fun watching the two sports jab at each other about who is the best. As much as I love boxing, it is in decline, mostly because of a lack of competitive fights, the 3 different sanctioning bodies, and I hate to say it, constant suspicion of corruption. But, boxing has been around for centuries and I don’t see MMA totally taking it over any time soon. Especially with the “mega” CBS fight with Kimbo and that no-name pink haired “horseshoe up my ass” guy fighting which had Kimbo get put to sleep in 14 seconds, and now an investigation around the event. Just what MMA needed, a Don Kinglike controversy to make everyone question whether MMA is above pro wrestling. Back to  Klitschko, Vitali is the older of two brothers, and made a comeback after retiring. He was plagued with injuries and never could commit to any of the big fights that was on his schedule. The Klitschko brothers remind me of Rocky 4, and Ivan Drago. They are big, genetic monsters with superior reach, speed, but also glass chins. They both will dominate the division for a long time as no one can get inside on them quick enough to do any real damage. Maybe we need to get Stallone out one more time to make Rocky 7 and have a real fight, and maybe he can knock out one of those giants. But overall, that is what is making boxing not very fun to watch anymore. Even though he was a total thug, Tyson was fun to watch because not only was he tough as nails, he was smaller than just about everyone. He won on tenacity and attitude. Anyone who has ever boxed before knows how hard and frustrating it to fight someone that is just plain bigger and faster than you. It’s a painful lesson. The only fight I would pay to watch in the heavyweight division again would be in the two brothers decided to act like real brothers and fight each other. They both swore they never would do that. Hey, if they want inspiration, they should come to Illinois and watch my brother and I kick the crap out of each other for a few hours. Really guys…it’s not that hard.ML

Another day, another professional athlete getting hit with the stupid stick. The newest member of professional ranks that somehow graduated high school to make millions, is Adam “Pacman” Jones. Pacman was in the news earlier this year for having multiple issues with the NFL and the law because of his habit of hanging out at strip clubs, getting into fights, and somehow people got very hurt. Pacman finally got Roger Goodell to let him back into the league after a year long suspension while he was playing for the Dallas Cowboys. Truly America’s Team, as only in America can a felon still be able to make millions and stay out of jail. Adam Jones was recently in a report that he got into a physical confrontation with one of his “bodyguards.” For a minute I was secretly praying that the bodyguard he beat the snot out of was Kevin Costner, but when I realized that I wasn’t that lucky, (or smart), it was brought to my attention that it wasn’t even really a bodyguard. It was a security detail member that is hired by Jerry Jones and the Cowboys to keep an eye on Mr. Pacman. So when Pacman wakes up at 4am and decides that he wants to load up his glock 9mm, and pay a visit to the local skin bar, they are there to either tell him that something like that might not improve his zone pass coverage, or to stop him from going all together. What a great job to have. What on earth are you supposed to do with a guy like that?? If he doesn’t listen to you, are you supposed to subdue him? “Hi, Jerry…..it’s Carl from the security detail……yeah, Pacman wanted to hit up the strip club and shoot some people tonight…..yeah, again……so I told him that good little Cowboys on America’s Team shouldn’t do that……he said no and tried to leave……and I know you pay me to keep him safe…..but he wouldn’t stop……so I had to stab him in the spine…..sorry…..” That has to be a very thankless job, trying to keep someone safe, who has no intention of playing by the rules. I wonder how much these people make? Do all teams have this?? If that is the case the Cincinnati Bengals must spend 50 million a year keeping their team out of the joint. It kind of always makes me wonder about God’s overall plan. Why is it that people starve to death every second, yet a thug, with nothing but pure talent, can make it big, never have to worry about money again, and spend all day stuffing one dollar bills down a person’s clothes? Some things I will never understand. I hope Pacman either gets smart real quick, stops beating up the people paid to protect him, or ends on up in the same cell block as Mike Vick.

On a lighter note, the Phillies are now up 2-0 against the Dodgers…..Yes, Cub fans, that could have been your team in the second round. Yes, the team that humiliated your bunch of babies is now losing 0-2. What a total waste of a season. I hope by now, all Cub fans actually know their team is out and not on one knee staring at the rolling banner on the bottom of ESPN wondering where the Cubbies went. I truly hope, that whoever buys the Cubs next year decides to demolish that 1000 year old rat infested toilet called Wrigley Field. That place will never see another World Series game, so you might as well put it out of it’s misery. I, for one, would love to walk up to the rubble while all those crazed Cub fans try to pick up bricks and seats, and give my contribution to the field in the form of warm urine. I doubt anyone would notice anyway, I would just be adding to that strong smell of piss already there. ML

Since I had fallen a little behind on current events lately, covering the downfall of my favorite team the White Sox, and those gutless, excuse making losers, the Cubs, I wanted to catch up a bit and pay tribute to one of my favorite celebrities who recently ascended to the silver screen up in Heaven, Paul Newman. First off, from what I know, Paul Newman was a pretty class act. I can’t remember any troubling story of him either second guessing his sexuality, driving with his kid on the dashboard, or committing armed robbery in a Las Vegas hotel. He gave a ton of money to charity, loved racing, and made some damn good salad dressing. But above all, he was the star of one of my favorite hockey movies, Slapshot. I will have to say that Slapshot is probably tied with Miracle, as my favorite, but for pure fun, adult humor, and overall hilarity, Slapshot takes the cake. Anyone who has not seen the movie, you need to get to Blockbuster or Netflix and rent it. Just make sure that any child under 21 is not present, because the language is pretty intense and dirty. Newman played Reggie Dunlop, an aging coach for the Charlestown Cheifs, and he has many memorable lines that to this day, my brother and I seem to find perfect situations for. For all you people out there who make athletic teams for fun or whatever, whether it be baseball, hockey, football, etc, and you get some outstanding prospects, just make sure that they didn’t bring their friggin toys with them, and always remember, you can’t put a bounty on a man’s head…….Paul Newman, you were a man’s man, Rest in Peace, I will miss Reggie Dunlop.

Here is the original trailer to Slapshot………

 I wanted to start this blog with one of the cutest videos I have seen in a while. I am a HUGE animal lover, especially dogs, and this video is priceless. It’s amazing how smart Beagles, or at least this one is. I want to buy a dog so bad!! I miss my pug that I used to have, he was the best.

 Well, it’s playoff time and I just got done watching the White Sox lose the first game in Tampa Bay 6-4. I guess I am not that upset, the Sox had a crazy schedule with 3 must win games just to get to the playoffs and the Rays have the best record in all of baseball at home. Hopefully, the Sox can steal one game in Tampa and then bring it home. The game showed another crappy performance from Javier Vaszquez who seems to be in some incredible funk lately and can’t seem to keep the ball down and in the zone at the same time. When a rookie (Evan Longoria) gets consecutive home runs off you, it is time to take a break and rest that arm.

On a lighter note, I find myself watching the Cubs this year as well, just to see them lose. I laughed my butt of watching them drop game one at home. The funny part is, if the Sox get swept, I won’t be that upset because they weren’t suppossed to do much this year, AND they lost Carlos Quentin, the Cubs on the other hand (this is their year)!!! 100 years without a world series, a great team, all the Chicago love!!! HA!! I hate Cub fans. I would have paid good money to be a fly on the wall at Wrigley last night and if they lose today, wow. I found myself just watching ESPN highlights, just to look in the stands and see the reactions of the fans as that grand slam went out. Yes, I guess I have unresolved anger issues, but who cares, I hope the Cubs get swept and all those fans will spend another year crying in their beers, cursing Bartman and that dumb goat. Get over it you blue wearing snobs, your team just sucks.

On a serious note for those watching baseball and football during this time of year. Drink responsibly. Just because I have given up drinking, by no means am I preaching that the rest of the world does, but driving drunk is the dumbest thing you can do. Unfortunately, I have, got caught, and am paying for it. Luckily, I didn’t hurt anyone, or myself, but if I had, who knows where I would be now. I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself. For the record, people do not drive better drunk, .08 is only 4 beers for a normal person, and there is NO WAY to beat the breathalizer. The air comes from your lungs and the alcohol passing through your lung tissue and being registered in your breath. Getting caught, just driving, forget hitting anything or one, will cost you. If by any chance you do get in any legal trouble, DUI or otherwise, I have a link to my attorney. VERY GOOD!!! But the best way to get out of trouble is to stay out of it completely. Be safe everyone, and Go SOX!!!

 Sorry I have been behind on my page, but it has been a incredibly hectic week at work. I have worked a 7 day week and I am about as worn out as possible, and this next week isn’t looking any better. I started the blog with one of my favorite remakes, Johnny Cash, covering “Hurt” by Nine Inch Nails. It’s really a great song that the late Cash remakes with great emotion and also made an amazing video. Johnny Cash, who also battled multiple addictions, uses this song to reflect on his life. I love that song so much, because it makes me think to my past and all of the things that happened and how they were influenced by alcohol.  “I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel, I focus on the pain, the only thing that’s real.” That verse reminds me of the daily cycle when I was at my heaviest abuse. Just coasting through the days, just getting happy about when I was going to have that other drink. Even though I knew it was killing me, it was the only thing I knew that was real, the only thing that would make me feel better, feel normal.

“What have i become? my sweetest friend, everyone i know, goes away in the end, you could have it all, my empire of dirt, i will let you down, i will make you hurt.” I always think of this verse. One of the things that still hurts me is losing the love of my life, and my puppy at the same time. There is no doubt in my mind at all, that my drinking was the biggest reason why she left me. It caused me to be a jerk, it caused me to fight, it was everything that was bad in me and it overshadowed anything good in me. I always say that I could count my friends on one hand, and that number has gone down since I quit drinking, as those friends only saw me as a drinking buddy. How many friends have I lost because I couldn’t put the bottle down, how much has my addiction pushed the limits of my own family. Almost everyone I’ve known, in the end, has gone away, because I have let them down, because I have made them hurt. When I think about losing my fiancee, maybe she was the smart one. She could have had it all, my empire, of what? Nothing, dirt. My whole life was consumed by hurt and stress, and magnified by the bottle. “if i could start again, a million miles away, i would keep myself, i would find a way”. Regret is the word for that verse. How much I would have changed if I could have done it again. But I can’t live in the past. What is done is done. I understand how cliche it is to write, quoting lines from a song, but rarely does one so accurately describe my feelings, and not in a teenager, “I’m pissed at the world” kind of way, but I can relate to what he went through.  Maybe that is why Johnny Cash always wore black, he dressed like he was going to a funeral. Every addict wants the pain to go away, we all think about our own funerals. Someone once said that a measure of a person isn’t how much money he makes, or what they’re worth, but it is the amount of tears that are shed when they die. Other than my family and the shareholders of Skol Vodka, I don’t think there would be too many. But that is what the future holds? Who can I influence now with a clean slate and a fresh mind? What mark will I make on the world. I have a new vision of my addiction. No longer do I look at myself like some pariah or monster. I look at myself as allergic to alcohol, like someone allergic to shellfish or peanuts. It’s something I can’t have, or I will die. I am still a human, with lots to offer, I’m not just a drinking buddy anymore.

 On a sadder note, RIP to Evan Tanner, a favorite MMA fighter of mine. He died during a journey to the desert and some bad circumstances. He was also a recovering alcoholic, but a great influence on an up and coming sport, and a class act. In a time when most athletes have rap sheets, shoot roids, or beat their wives, Tanner was a great man, with lots of demons. At least he is at peace now, training his wrestling up with the Lord.

Go Bears, (I was totally wrong about the 21 point blowout last week), Go Sox, and please let the flooding somehow ruin Wrigley Field so they have to tear it down. ML

Today was the day of my DUI evaluation or should I say “you’re a freaking idiot” evaluation. It didn’t go as bad as I thought it would go, and I was very honest. I have a lot to be proud of since that fateful day that I was a moron, so it wasn’t so hard to talk about what happened and what I have done since then. Still, it’s always like a kick in the pants and embarrassing. All I can say is thank God that nothing worse happened and it’s over. There is not much to talk about today in the world of sports other than the Giants beat the Redskins. Yeah, that was exciting. Didn’t seem like a very riviting game other than the few times I got to see Eli Manning get hit. I was hoping that the starter from Washington would get tired, because I love watching his backup, Hawaii grad Colt Brennen play. Mark my words, Brennen will be a stud someday. He has a rocket for an arm and he can run. He played the preseaon like a grizzled pro and I can only pray to the football Gods that he ends up with the Bears one day. He has more talent in his little toe than Orton and Grossman have put together. But, as a Bears fan, I am sure I will die, never seeing a quality all-star quarterback taking snaps. What would I expect from a franchise who’s last kiss ass QB was Sid Luckman?

 Today was an interesting day for me as I was very busy at work and scared to death about my evaluation. Luckily, my brother came by and was able to calm me down a bit, and by the way, good luck bro, you deserve that spot….. So I don’t have much to write about today unless people would like to hear about the ins and out of the world of wireless technology. I like the idea of adding youtube clips to my blog, as it is something cool to watch after reading a ton, and usually I try to pick something funny. I picked this highlight today for a couple of reasons. This highlight is of a MMA fight involving  Kazushi Sakuraba, a favorite MMA fighter of mine. He makes an amazing comeback from getting his butt kicked to win. It is an amazing thing to watch although very brutal. The song playing is from the band Vicious Traditions and I love this highlight as it shows what some tenacity and heart can do. I love the middle where the voice says “I will not die today.” Any addict that is trying to get normal again, says that in one way or another. They always say one day at a time, and that is true. Every human being fights death. An addict has the unique challenge of fighting death from an unlikely source, themselves. We not only have to fight against bad health, getting hit in a car, old age, whatever, we fight that ticking time bomb which is our addiction, that little demon on our shoulder, telling us to give up, that it will be Ok, that it will only be one drink. That little demon wants us to die. That little demon is ourselves. The part of us that wants to self destruct. That is what people don’t understand when they look at an addict. We fight stereotypes, financial, legal, relationship trouble, but the one constant, the one person that should want us to live, ourself, wants us to die sometimes. That’s when it’s time to push back, and tell everyone, our critics, our enemies, the bottle, the drug, and most importantly that bit of ourself that wants to hurt, No, I will not die today. ML

Today was the second day of two consecutive days off and it was a pretty good day today. Hopefully it will end better with the White Sox getting a win and as of right now, the Cubs losing their 5th in a row. I’m sorry, but I am a Cub hater. Always was, always will be and although that might make me unpopular, I don’t care. I don’t care if they win the world series, I will have to be buried six feet under before I ever put on a Cubs hat. I hear that Big Z is going to get an MRI to get his arm checked out. Personally, I think they should CT his head, because I think that man is nuts. Only a nut would kick the hell out of his catcher, admonish his own fans for booing a poor outing of his, and well, all the other crazy stuff he does season after season. I don’t think there is anything wrong with him that can’t be fixed with a lobotomy and some Valium. But, as a Sox fan and Cub hater, I hope they find some terrible tear in his shoulder that will require career ending surgery. Below the belt you say? He could retire today and never have to work another day in his life. So all you people who think I’m mean, go ask Big Z for loan and see what he says. In other news, current UFC champion Randy Coutre is making his return to the octagon to face former WWE champion Brock Lesnar. What makes this so interesting is that Coutre will be turning 46 and Lesnar is a freak of nature at 280lbs of pure muscle. I hope Coutre wins convincingly, because I think all of those wannabe fighters from the WWE need a lesson in reality. Also, it’s nice to see an old man kick ass. I’m not even sure I’ll live to be 46, yet this man is competing in combat sports. Wow. Good luck Randy. If he wins, hopefully Dana White (the prez of UFC) can sign Fedor, and have a dream match-up. I am almost sure the “Last Emperor of Russia” will beat Coutre, but it will be a great fight, one I would consider coughing up the insane price for PPV.

 The last two days have been hectic from the personal side of things from meetings, continuing care, and now my evaluation, which I take tomorrow. I am not looking forward to it, but that is the bed I made for myself and I have to lie in it. I realized today that I stopped counting the days sober. When I first heard of people doing that, I thought they were nuts, but now I realize why. There is no prize at the end of the journey. Once I hit 365 days, I don’t get some treasure or some lottery ticket. When I go to meetings I meet people that have been sober for 20 years. That’s 7300 days. I don’t plan on ever counting that high unless I am counting money. I realized that although I need to make sobriety important, I can’t make it all that is me. I see people who do nothing but go to AA, rehab, counseling, etc. Although I know it is a never ending battle, the whole goal of quiting drinking was getting my life back to sanity and being a normal person again. Contrary to popular belief, an addict is not a monster, or a pariah. We just are chemically dependant. Take away the chemical, which is a struggle, but we are people, that bleed red just like anyone else. I am so sick of thinking of myself as a freak. By no means can I ever stop thinking about it and working at it, but it doesn’t have to be all that I am. I’m Mike, and I’m an alcoholic, but, I am a brother, a son, an employee, and friend, and hopefully someday a husband and a dad. I have talents, I know what I am, and what I need to do. Sometimes at meetings people just stop at alcoholic, and they never realize how much more than can be sober.

 Since I have found how to implant youtube videos into my blog, I got another request at a laugh. This video is supposedly of open tryouts for a kung fu movie, and these are some of the outtakes of the ones that didn’t make it. This also makes me laugh. These guys never lose…….ML

Well, not a whole lot going on so far to start out this Labor Day weekend. I will comment on how scared I am that my beloved White Sox are picking the worst time in the world to play like garbage. This is the time of year where every starter needs an “ace” performance, but that is not happening by any stretch of the imagination. It will be a tough road the rest of the way and any one who says they like how close the race is, is nuts. I would be much happier if the Sox were 10 games up now and could coast into the post season. Realistically, if the Sox don’t make it, I have little to no teams to cheer for this next couple months. The Bears I think would have trouble beating some college teams, Notre Dame looks to have another dismal year, and that is really it until basketball season. At least the Celtics will have the base for a quality team to defend their title next year.

 Labor Day is a fun holiday for most, but for a recovering alcoholic, Monday represents yet another reminder that I am different from everyone else. I was getting my hair cut and the person cutting it asked what I was doing to Labor Day and asked if I was going to a barbeque and getting hammered. Nope. I think of how many functioning alcoholics will be out there getting smashed, driving drunk, having a great friggin time, never admitting that they have a problem. Holidays like this, are  excuses for the “normals” to be addicts. I am an alcoholic, but I don’t plan on days to get drunk, but people all over the US will on Monday. Yet I’m the one they look down at. People wonder why addicts are resentful sometimes, weekends like this are one of the reasons. To all the addicts that read this, stay strong, at least one day this weekend, you can look at all those pretenders drinking their Zimas and  wine coolers and laugh, and give them that look, the one you always get from them. Then go home, knowing that you won another day.

It was announced the other day that on the next Elite XC fighting card that Kevin (Kimbo Slice) Ferguson, will be fighting Ken Shamrock on October 4th. Being a huge MMA fan, I find myself for the first time not really knowing who to root for. Kimbo, is trying to get legitimacy, as he is a newcomer to the sport, but Shamrock is trying to prove that he isn’t at the end of the line in his career. I have never been a real huge fan of Ken as he always seems to be starting fights that he can’t finish. Talking tons of trash to competators that end up soundly beating him. But any true fan of the sport can remember the young Shamrock getting awesome wins in Japan and some in the UFC. I guess I would like to see Kimbo win a hard fought match, enough to prove that Shamrock has heart, but Kimbo is legit. People love to bash Kimbo, saying he is a circus attraction. I don’t think so, he works hard, trains with a legend (Bas Rutten), and has a deep respect for the sport. I try not to remember that he hangs around with a pretty shady entourage and sports a logo for a porno site on his shirt after fights, but that is besides the point.  I hope it is a good fight, and expect a recap after it is over on my blog here. If I am really lucky, I can get some video too.

 As for today, my day off, I had a full day. I attempted to write an article for this site about being a pro boxer and the steps one has to take. My title for my blog is an insight to what is going on in my life as a recovering alchoholic. Continuing care this morning, and a session with my psychologist later. It’s a grind, a fight, but one, I realized that I can never give up, not for a minute. I will say that I miss the White Sox games that I used to go to a few years ago, having a few beers and cheering for a win. As I am still a rabid Sox fan, I still cheer for the team, but every time I watch a game, it reminds me what I used to be. People like Kimbo and Shamrock, feel the need to prove to the world that they have it, that they are tough, I spend every day having to prove to myself, as well as others, that I’m normal. I will have lots to write about this subject as time goes on, but for now, I wanted to give a little insight to a typical thought process for me. Every day I stay in control is a won battle, in a war that will never end.ML