Dec 19 2008
Holidays can be tough
I was thinking today about how many Christmas’s I have spent completely hammered and then I was suddenly proud of myself that this will be the first Christmas I won’t look as fat as Santa Claus, white as snow, and sober. Usually the trend would go that I would go to my parents’ house, open presents, then go home and grab the 5th of Vodka that I had bought the day before and hidden, the get sloshed. I have to say that I would not wish alcoholism or addiction for that matter, on my worst enemy, but the neat thing is although I am upset that I am getting older, I get to act like a kid in a way nowadays. My life is filled with many firsts. Not necessarily firsts like an infant, but firsts that haven’t happened in a long long time. It gives me stuff to look forward for. I have been framing my coins for sobriety and as I hung this past one on the wall, I thought that a year ago I was so ashamed of my life that I was always a little upset when I woke up every morning that I was still breathing, and here I am now, just like I was in high school again, making a trophy out of something special. This beats out all the football and basketball trophies by far. Tackling and draining a jump shot is easy. Controlling that raging asshole that wants to get drunk and die inside of me is a fight that I will always have, and every day I get to beat it, I have another first time, because this time last year, that asshole was killing me, now I’m killing him, with no weapon other than my own heart, and that is enough. ML
