Twelve Step Sports Addict

In between sending out another 100 or so applications for employment, I was able to watch SportsCenter for the 10 millionth time and got to see replay after replay of Mike Singletary rip his tight end for being selfish during a game. Again, as before, I applaud Samurai Mike for kicking some primadonna ass, but then the discussion got into how tough Mike is as a former Bear linebacker. The Chicago Bears have always been known for great running backs, retarded talentless quarterbacks, and good defense. As any student of football will tell you, a good defense starts with great linebackers. Mike Singletary was no doubt an amazing linebacker and played on one of the best defenses of all time in 1985. The whole team was amazing from Samurai, Dent, Marshall, Wilson, Fencik, and the newly studdering radio host Dan Hampton. I was too young to enjoy those Bear days, but NFL films does a great job of replaying the Chicago heydays. Then it goes back to 1965 when the Bear of all Bears Dick Butkus played ball. For those who say the game was slower then and people weren’t as big, I give you a big no Sh**. Of course people were slower back then, and smaller, and most players had to work other jobs just to make enough to support their families. If Butkus and Sayers had today’s technology, salaries and training, they would no doubt be the best ever, no question in my mind. That brings me to my most overrated Bear player. Brian Urlacher. Yes people, I said Urlacher. I have been watching him play for years now and I have never been impressed. Yes, I know I am at a computer writing and he plays in the NFL, but I am allowed to have my opinion. Baldy doesn’t hold a candle to Samurai Mike or Butkus and he never will. First of all, I actually met him when he made an appearance at my work, and he was an ass. Yes, I am sure many athletes are, but I have also met very nice ones, Juan Uribe and Brian Anderson from the White Sox being the absolute top of that list. Urlacher not only showed his true colors by being a total jerk to the media last year when sportswriters stopped kissing his ass for once, but he is also a highlight film of how to be trucked by offensive linemen. Sure, Mr. Receding Hairline (I hide it by shaving my head) Urlacher is fast, he played safety in college, but last I checked, a middle linebacker has to fill holes and take on those blocks. He makes offense linemen these days look like Anthony Munoz as he gets pancaked time and time again and if he is lucky, makes the tackle 15 yards down field. He is also the last to jump on a pile. Nice Old Spice commercial Brian, act all tough. Let’s see the last game when that guard made you hit bitch on national TV. Now that Mr. Urlacher has lost a step, he is pretty useless as it seems this year. Sure, he might be injured, but who in the NFL isn’t injured?? For all you women out these who worship the ground he walks on?? Cool, just be prepared to have kids, since baldy doesn’t seem to like to use contraceptives and then denies his seed is his kid. Class act there huh? Also been seen hanging around with Paris Hilton, there is a girl you want to bring home to momma. When you get babymaker Urlacher and Internet movie star Hilton together, if they had a kid, somehow I think that offspring would be related to everyone in the United States if you played the 5 steps of separation game. But Urlacher, watch Briggs play. He got his money, didn’t ask for a new contract after signing one, and is playing his ass off this season. Man, I wish I could rewrite contracts like baldy got to do. I wonder what leverage Urlacher has on the Bears that he got to opt out of his contract after one of his worst years, and then is playing like he has a bad case of siphlis. Oh wait, he actually might. Urlacher, quit being a crybaby, toughen up and instead of sleeping around with any crusty, beat up heiress you can find, watch some films of the 65 Bears. You might learn something.

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