Oct 21 2008
It’s only after you’ve lost everything, that you’re free to do anything
Back from a week hiatus, it is time to get writing again. The title of this blog is from the movie “Fight Club” one of my personal favorites. It means a lot today, as one of the reasons I have been a hermit and not blogging, is because last week I lost my job. Some people might react like I did at first, wondering how in the Hell I am going to survive in this Bush crappy economy, but for some reason, I am feeling at peace for the first time in a long time. First off, I had lost my great job due to in part to my past. The old alcoholic me had many bad habits. It isn’t long when you spend time in an booze induced coma, that your boss doesn’t find out. Especially when you are in charge of people. But I had cleaned up my act, but as any recovering alcoholic will tell you, people never forget the past. I always had that stigma attached to me. I always had people shaking my hand close to see if I smelled like cheap Vodka, I always had people checking my eyes to see if they could see their reflection because they were so glassy. So for starters, I am glad to be out of that prison of regret. For the first time in 10 years, I can start a new job with a clean slate. Looking back, since I started drinking, I have never gone to a drug screen NOT hung over. Can you believe that??
Second, if I am just a little lucky, I will get a job that has nothing to do with the retail industry. I am very good at that, but there is one problem. No one ever got into Heaven by selling TVs or cellphones. Part of what I hated about myself was the emptiness that I felt doing a job that helped no one but stock holders and myself. I applied to some off the wall places, like a 911 dispatch operator, and also the United States Secret Service. Believe it or not, I am qualified for both, but what a chance to help people. This all might have been a blessing in disguise after-all. Now if thanks to the Bush administration, there is nothing for me but retail, I will take it, since living out of a box asking for change won’t exactly pay for my car. But, the most important thing to me is two fold. One, I didn’t drink when I heard I lost my job. That was a HUGE trigger for me and 90% of me wanted to grab the biggest bottle I could, and go brain dead for a few days. Second, and mostly because of that sobriety, I am able to handle this situation with a clear head. God has funny ways of working and I believe that this may be one of them. I can truly get a new start and make some new relationships without the stigma of being someone’s drinking buddy, or that drunk that may or may not show up for work. In the past year and a half, I have lost everything. But now, I am at peace, because I am free to do anything. Not many people can say that, and I say it with a smile. The world doesn’t know anything yet about Mike. Like in another movie fav of mine “Wait until they get a load of me…..ha ha ha….”
