Sep 21 2008
You are not alone…..
Today I spent a short day at work pretty much being pissed off at the world. Some parts of recovery for me are so perplexing, the biggest being the mood swings that I feel. I guess that is part of being human and not the booze drinking vampire I was a few months ago. Just little things were getting me mad today, and when the Bears blew another 10 point lead to lose to the Bucs, it was time for me to go home before I said something to someone that I would have regretted. I have been working a lot lately and it will be nice to take some time off. I will talk more about the hapless Bears tomorrow. Today I wanted to write about a conversation that I had with my sponsor today. Part of recovery is talking to your sponsor when you are having a bad day. Some people are under the myth that you only call your sponsor when you are craving a drink. That is wrong, you want to relax before it gets to that point. But what we talked about is how ironic being an addict is. No matter how good I do at my job, I can still feel my employees look me up and down each day to ensure I am in the right frame of mind and sometimes they tell me to relax when I get a little worked up, like some customer is going to make me run to the bar and down a few Irish Car Bombs. It’s funny how people think that addicts can just stop on their own with no help. Lots of times, addicts think that as well. People, you can’t. There is a very very small amount of people that can stop cold turkey from their drug of choice, but some are MUCH harder than others. Heroin for instance, is almost too dangerous to stop cold turkey and you will need a stay in the hospital to stop from dying. Think about it, the numbers are against you. 90% of all diets in the United States fail. So of 100 people trying to lose weight, only 10 of them will. Food, chemically is not addictive. It doesn’t affect your brain, in the way booze does. Yet people can’t lose weight. Those same people will look down on an alcoholic or an addict, like we are weak. How many people smoke? Tons. That is proven to kill you over time. The only real difference in my eyes between a drinker, heroin addict, smoker or binge eater, is that you can’t hurt anyone else if you get in a car full, and you don’t need a dealer to get a sandwich.
I find it funny these days how embarrassed people are about their addictions. Especially those who got help. You are not the only one. I can name at least 100 people I know that are functioning alcoholics, and I knew a few heavy cocaine addicts a while back. The main point I was talking to my sponsor about was how the 12 steps work with about anything. I think I might need to start another program to get off cherry sherbet. Although I lost about 50 lbs since I quit the sauce and am back looking like an athlete again, that stuff just gets me. :). But way more healthy than a 5th of Skol Vodka. The point is to anyone reading this, never be ashamed of who you are. You will never get past the addiction if you can’t forgive yourself. By no means am I 100% there yet, but it is a start. Everyone, I mean everyone, is hooked on something, somethings they just don’t have meetings for yet. Anyone reading this who avoids AA meetings because they are embarrassed, don’t be, you will thank yourself later. In many ways, the people of AA are more understanding than anyone. No matter what happens, you are always welcome back. Anyone need advice or encouragement, feel free to contact me through my contact tab and I promise I will reply. It is a fight, but you are not alone……ever.
